AND IT’S A GOOD THING I DIDN’T

I never tried to put an anaconda into a taxi cab, but I imagine it would be fatiguing (for the both of us).

I never pumped vodka and perfume into the gas tank of a compact car, but I imagine it would be dangerous (and costly).

I never danced a rhumba to the ringtones of a midnight call to the White House, but I imagine it would be alarming (and undoubtedly illegal).

I never baked Chicken Picasso using tempera paint, sequins and clay, but I imagine it would taste horrid (not to mention the calories).

I never stroked a cat (not my own) with an electric toothbrush (not my own), but I imagine it would be unnerving (for only one of us).

I never floated behind enemy lines in a boat made of newspaper, but I imagine I wouldn’t make it (not even the headlines).

I never did a lot of things and it’s probably for the best – but I can always imagine (for the both of us).

Copyright 2009

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